My husband and I got married in January 2016. It was a wonderful day and easily the most beautiful day of my life so far. When we got married, we’d been dating for 8 years, living together for 4, so we knew we wanted to have children sooner rather than later. After our honeymoon, we didn’t start “trying” as much as we just started not “not trying”. We had heard that it we shouldn’t be surprised if it takes over a year, so when I got pregnant just 5 months later, we were indeed surprised.
It wasn’t until after I knew that I was pregnant that I started picking up on all the times people pressure couples to procreate, ask awkward questions, and mentions babies when it’s completely unnecessary.
We feel extremely lucky that everything is going so well so far. But no joke, I have gone to two weddings since knowing I was pregnant and if I had a dollar for every time some mentioned the newlyweds and babies, I’d have… well… a lot of dollars. THEY JUST GOT MARRIED LIKE 4 HOURS AGO! Let them enjoy being married. Jeeze!
Then there are the people who are making small talk with me, “Congratulations on your wedding!” “Oh thank you!” “So when you guys gunna have some kids” … Seriously? Nothing else you can think of to say to make small talk? Must we jump straight to our reproductive plans? And it’s not just from ladies asking these questions either.
People ask, “When are you having babies?” like we can set a date… “Oh, May 10th sounds like a nice day, maybe we’ll have one then” No! What if we were having trouble? What if things weren’t going as “planned”? What if I just found out last week that we can’t have children? What if we decided that we don’t want children? Would you honestly want to hear about the all the real life issues… and possible see me cry? Doubtful… so stay out of my uterus please.
Maybe I’m way out of line with this little rant, but I truly feel that as a society we all really need to more mindful of how we approach couples and babies. The whole process is so very emotional and all the pressure from people (some who are not even friends with you) is so very unnecessary. Below is a list of small talk questions you can ask a couple instead of, “So when are you having a baby?”
- So, do you enjoy your neighborhood?
- Any interesting restaurants you’ve been to recently?
- Have you cooked anything great lately?
- Do you have any travel plans for the upcoming year?
- What’s your favorite part of being married?
- What have you been up to lately?
- Anything binge worthy you recommend on Netflix?
- Do you have any pets? How are they doing?
So next time your tempted to ask a newly married couple (or any couple for that matter) about their plans to procreate, take a second and think of something else to talk about, and if you can’t… just pretend you have to pee and give yourself a little more time to ponder it over.
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