Mind Your Own Lady Business: Be More Mindful about the Baby Talk

My husband and I got married in January 2016. It was a wonderful day and easily the most beautiful day of my life so far. When we got married, we’d been dating for 8 years, living together for 4, so we knew we wanted to have children sooner rather than later. After our honeymoon, we didn’t start “trying” as much as we just started not “not trying”. We had heard that it we shouldn’t be surprised if it takes over a year, so when I got pregnant just 5 months later, we were indeed surprised.

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It wasn’t until after I knew that I was pregnant that I started picking up on all the times people pressure couples to procreate, ask awkward questions, and mentions babies when it’s completely unnecessary. pregnant-1245703_960_720

We feel extremely lucky that everything is going so well so far. But no joke, I have gone to two weddings since knowing I was pregnant and if I had a dollar for every time some mentioned the newlyweds and babies, I’d have… well… a lot of dollars. THEY JUST GOT MARRIED LIKE 4 HOURS AGO! Let them enjoy being married. Jeeze!

Then there are the people who are making small talk with me, “Congratulations on your wedding!” “Oh thank you!” “So when you guys gunna have some kids” … Seriously? Nothing else you can think of to say to make small talk? Must we jump straight to our reproductive plans? And it’s not just from ladies asking these questions either.

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People ask, “When are you having babies?” like we can set a date… “Oh, May 10th sounds like a nice day, maybe we’ll have one then” No! What if we were having trouble? What if things weren’t going as “planned”? What if I just found out last week that we can’t have children? What if we decided that we don’t want children? Would you honestly want to hear about the all the real life issues… and possible see me cry? Doubtful… so stay out of my uterus please.

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Maybe I’m way out of line with this little rant, but I truly feel that as a society we all really need to more mindful of how we approach couples and babies. The whole process is so very emotional and all the pressure from people (some who are not even friends with you) is so very unnecessary. Below is a list of small talk questions you can ask a couple instead of, “So when are you having a baby?”

  • So, do you enjoy your neighborhood?
  • Any interesting restaurants you’ve been to recently?
  • Have you cooked anything great lately?
  • Do you have any travel plans for the upcoming year?
  • What’s your favorite part of being married?
  • What have you been up to lately?
  • Anything binge worthy you recommend on Netflix?
  • Do you have any pets? How are they doing?

So next time your tempted to ask a newly married couple (or any couple for that matter) about their plans to procreate, take a second and think of something else to talk about, and if you can’t… just pretend you have to pee and give yourself a little more time to ponder it over.

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6 thoughts on “Mind Your Own Lady Business: Be More Mindful about the Baby Talk

  1. love this! I went through a lot of people asking me about kids and for those who don’t know me I have to explain that I don’t want kids. Then you get the shocked look. Then sometimes I feel bad and I say well there was about a month long period right after we got married that I thought it wouldn’t be a bad thing. I still get people asking, even after cancer diagnosis. I’m very happy that I never had kids. They aren’t my thing and I’m glad I didn’t have to explain to them why I was losing my hair! It was hard enough to deal with regular people throughout that time. Rant over!

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  2. Kudos! Well said. This is not just a modern day question people ask newlyweds, as I’m sure your folks were asked the same. I married Nick back in 1978 and people were asking that of us back then…I was a much younger bride then as compared to many and most now, but that was us and those times were different. I was also surprised to be asked that question. It’s like hey can we enjoy being young newlyweds; have fun, vacation and start building our nest. Certain things will never change; old is new and the new is old again. Just say one day, we’ll see. Enjoy life and eachother cause believe me you won’t be getting a full night’s sleep till they all move out for good!

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